Starting Line.

It's almost been two months since my last post. And it's time to reflect. 

After much meditation, soul searching, seclusion, work, and getting to know new people/places/opportunties.. I've gotten to know myself a bit better.  Last blog I talked about a paradox within me: fire and rage versus a dark, empty void.  It's not suprising, as I found out that my element is fire literally.. in astrology.  If you think about fire uncontrolled, it blazes wildly.  It's powerful, but terribly destructive.  It's reckless, angry, unrelenting, and once it has used up all its energy, it quickly burns out.  This is what I was before.  The more the lost, confused blaze grew within me, the weaker the light grew in my eyes.  

(I'm not gonna lie. I learned a lot from UNCLE on Avatar, the cartoon show. LOL!)

But if you think about it, the potential is immense.  If fire is controlled, it gives light, growth, warmth, and its energy is so powerful beyond measure.  I know I've got this inside of me and it's now time that I tap into it.  It took a while to get here, but I can honestly say.. that I'm finding my ground.  Where I need to be, what choices I should make to get there, and how to come into my skin. 

I've tried to find a sense of belonging in the wrong ways, with places and people that weren't right for me. Realization: Never in my life have I been able to get strength and validation from others, so why keep trying?  The people that matter have been sent by God not to give it to me, but to help me find it within myself.  Only when I make the decision to take control of my own life will I be able to find my purpose, and really be free to grow without boundaries.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with being angry, imperfect, and lost.  Nor is it selfish to leave everything and everyone else behind in pursuit of where I need to be. 

I've decided that it's my time now.. to stand up, run toward my goal, and fight to make my dreams happen.  I'm not going to be scared anymore.  I am no longer the petty little baby that I've let everyone see me as.  I, with everything I will become, am way more than what you see.  

This is not a statement of pride or conceit.  I'm grateful beyond words to those who have paved the way for me to get here and I know I've got a hell of a lot more to learn.  I'm ready to stretch myself out of my comfort zone.  Only when I master all the elements God has yet to give me will I really be able to establish that sense of who I am.  What matters is that I'm moving.  I'm not just ready to blah blah blah. I'm actively doing it.  I've jumped the most difficult hurdle: the starting line.

With that I guess I'll end it here. I'll probably edit this 5 times more, but oh well!

Thanks for listening,

Kris